Is your use of logic actually a defence mechanism?
Rationalising by definition:
· In psychology: “when the individual deals with emotional conflict or internal/ external stressors by concealing the true motivations for their own thoughts, actions, or feelings through the elaboration of reassuring or self-serving but incorrect explanations". -DSM5
· In sociology: The process of replacing traditional and emotional thought with reason”- Max Weber
“Rationalization is a process of not perceiving reality, but of attempting to make reality fit one's emotions.” ― Ayn Rand
When our mental and emotional health is not where we want it to be, it can be helpful to consider the little things we do that we can change to facilitate our growth and improve our wellbeing. Rationalising is a defence mechanism we all use at some point where we distort or misrepresent reality to ease our emotional discomfort so we can better cope with a situation.
Dealing with rejection after being turned down for a promotion, your boss only having words with you when a mistake was made by the whole team, an awkward exchange with a friend, we all encounter situations that are confusing and unsettling in life and can leave us feeling less than pleasant emotions. In order to avoid these painful emotions and restore a sense of calm and confidence, we find ways of coping that work for us. One form of coping is to adopt defence mechanisms. Defence mechanisms are strategies that we use outside of our conscious awareness to protect ourselves from thoughts and feelings we find unpleasant or unacceptable. We experience these as automatic reactions. There are various types but today I’d like to take a closer look at rationalising.
In both my practice and in my personal life, there were a few different things I began noticing about rationalising. It was often used to claim a success- the triumph over an uncomfortable emotion! A perceived understanding: the “why” that brought some assurance to ease confusion. It would often facilitate bad habits, such as overspending or overeating. It often seemed to take one away from a true resolution and thus left them unable to move forwards. This defence mechanism would actually sustain those uncomfortable emotions that the person hoped to quash. I could also see that when rationalising was used, there was a favouring of logic over emotions. Defence mechanisms are not inherently problematic, Freud categorised rationalising as a defence mechanism which was used to make feelings more consciously tolerable. Research shows that a healthy defence mechanism can help maintain both physical and mental health, for example: you are driving and someone cuts in front of you causing you to swerve, you may automatically feel shocked and angry, you then rationalise “maybe they are rushing to get to something important, their gran could have had a fall and need them urgently for all I know”. This helps you to calm down quickly and the situation doesn’t escalate.
When we rationalise, we can do it prospectively where we rationalise what we will do before we do it, and retrospectively, where we first make a decision or act in a certian way, then we construct what sounds like a good or logical reason to justify it. It is important to be able to notice when we are rationalising so we can begin to see the true underlying problem.
As rationalising is an unconscious process, we are not initially aware of it playing out in our lives. You probably hear rationalising every day, in school, in work, on social media. These might sound like “he’s not a bad person”, “she means well”, “he hit me first”, and “what they don’t know can’t hurt them”. Consciously, we excuse ourselves, but within the unconscious mind, there is justification which covers up the true issue, allowing both the issue and the emotional toll to be perpetuated
Rationalising is heavily tied to our morals, values, and beliefs and these are often implied in the way we rationalise. If we feel it’s important to be a good person then we treat someone unkindly, we may rationalise to avoid feeling guilt and to affirm our good character. This could sound like “if they hadn’t shouted at me first, I wouldn’t have reacted like that”. If our partner behaves unfavourably towards us, common rationalising may sound like “it’s because they had an abusive childhood, it’s because their ex cheated on them, it’s because of how their parents were”. This may sound like an explanation; however, we can differentiate by understanding that an explanation provides clarification of the facts, e.g. “they have been under a lot of pressure at work and not sleeping well which tends to make them more irritable”. An excuse denies or deflects fault and often comes from feeling defensive and/ or protective. Rationalising is how we justify behaviour that does not live up to our own ethical and moral standards and rationalising a behaviour or an attitude can be appealing as it can help us maintain self-respect or respect of the other, meaning we don’t need to accept something unfavourable in someone else or see ourselves in a less favourable light.
We can see from this that rationalising can help keep us in a comfortable place, it keeps uncomfortable emotions such as guilt and fear at bay. We may use it be due to concern about how we will be perceived by others if we express emotions such as sadness or fear, rationalising can help us put those emotions away. Although an unease with emotional expression is rich within British culture, it is important to acknowledge the vital role emotions play in our lives. In addition to concern around how others may respond to our emotions, often emotions are suppressed or avoided due to a lack of skills, rescue factors, and comfort in allowing ourselves to feel and express our own emotions. Thus, when we ‘put these emotions away, we are instead keeping them within us, and here they stay, waiting for us to open the door to them, occasionally popping out at random and inopportune moments.
There are, of course, benefits to rationalising. It protects us emotionally and can help us to cope in situations where we don’t feel comfortable expressing our feelings or we don’t have the tools, skills, or knowledge required to resolve the problem. Rationalising can provide a way to understand others and the world around us so we feel some temporary relief about the situation. It is also often used to help us resolve conflict with others. Rationalising is not harmful as a temporary defence mechanism, however when used frequently it can become problematic for our relationships, emotional regulation, general wellbeing, and sense of self. It may seem logical and rational, but it is a form of avoidance, both of our emotions and of the true problem. It is indeed an alternative to reality.
If you would like to move from rationalising to reality, here are a few steps:
1. With this understanding of rationalising, notice when rationalising occurs in your own life, explore why this defence mechanism is there, identify what it is getting in the way of. Accept the truth with self-compassion and without self-judgement
2. Once aware that you are making excuses, start to swap this for acknowledging what is really going on and changing your behaviour. For example, you want to get up earlier and do some morning yoga, but you keep staying up until the early hours on your phone then sleeping in. Previously you rationalised “I’m just not a morning person”. Acknowledge the facts of the situation, and the consequence (how this pattern impacts your physical and mental health), then choose to be intentional: set a time that you wish you go to sleep and a time you wish to wake, then stick to this.
3. Get to know yourself and your emotions, values and morals. Name emotions when they come up, learn new skills to help express emotions in healthy ways, and increase your comfort in experiencing emotions.
4. Communicate. When everyone is calm and there is no present conflict, have a discussion with the other person to explore why you might be addressing the problem and managing conflict this way. Talk about ways to solve the real problem
Written By
Hollie Harland MBACP, PGdip, PGcert, BSc, DipHE
Additional sources:
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).
The Ego and Mechanisms of Defence (1966) Anna Freud
“Why Do People Rationalise Poor Decisions?” (2019) C. Dwyer